Parents worry a great deal about their children’s future. Many parents are afraid that life might not treat their young ones kindly, so they go out of their way to protect them from the vagaries of the world, sometimes inadvertently denying them essential life skills in the process.
Just think about it: if today you got separated from your child in the city centre, will your child know how to find his/her way home?
Suppose you have to spend a night away from home, will your child sleep hungry or does he/she know how to prepare a simple meal?
What if you’re ill and can’t do much of the housework, does your house degenerate into a pigsty because your child can’t clean it?
It is fine to want the best for your children, but cossetting them can prevent them from learning essential life skills. Some parents don’t allow their children into the kitchen — and it is not to keep them away from open flames or sharp knives — especially if there is a house-help.
So we end up with adults who can’t even boil an egg!
Some parents have made their children believe that they cannot do anything for themselves. They do not trust them to cross the road, travel alone using public transport, go to the neighbourhood kiosk, cook a simple meal, or even polish their own shoes.
Such parents resist any attempt to involve the child in such activities. But if a child is never given an opportunity, how will he/she ever learn?
Some parents pamper their children just for the sake of it. You will find them on the streets, weighed down by luggage while their teenage children stroll blissfully by their side, or in banking halls, queuing to pay school fees while their children stand clueless by their side, chewing gum and listening to their iPod, with no idea how to make a deposit.
Yet other parents are so pessimistic that it rubs off on their children. They keep warning the child of the many bad things that are bound to happen if the child dares to venture into the world alone.
The danger is that the child might subconsciously accept this viewpoint and believe that they are no match for life’s challenges.
Children who are never given a chance to do anything become pessimistic and lack self-confidence. They are afraid to take any initiative because they fear making mistakes and often meekly follow others, even when they don’t necessarily share their viewpoint.
Pampering is essentially a problem of modern parenting. Our parents realised the dangers of pampering, so they threw us in at the deep end; no one ever sank. Children need to be taught the value of hard work from an early age.
They should help in simple chores around the house even if there is a house-help. Some parents worry that their children might be too young to take up certain responsibilities and fret over the right age at which to begin.
There is no defined age and it is entirely up to the parent to decide. But if you are still doing the laundry for a son or daughter who is eligible to vote in the upcoming referendum, then you might want to consider handing over the baton.
A child who is of school-going age is old enough to help around the house. Six to 10-year-olds can help mummy set and clear the table and keep their own rooms tidy. Ten to 12-year-olds can do the dishes and assist in keeping the house and compound clean.
Teenagers are old enough to do their own laundry, prepare meals, and take care of their siblings and the house with minimal parental supervision. Post-adolescents are essentially adults, and should be treated as such.
Children who are pampered grow up thinking that things come on a silver platter and become problematic adults. They fair poorly as friends, and even worse as spouses.
At the workplace, they make difficult employees. They are the kind of people who always seem clueless even when confronted with the simplest task.
It is hard to change such a child’s mindset later in life, and most grow up expecting things to always be done for them, often putting them on a collision course with other people
When you pamper a child, you do him or her a great disservice because you are denying him/her essential life skills. It might seem adorable when a child is young, but what happens when it is time to leave the nest?
Giving the child some measure of responsibility ensures that he/she doesn’t have to struggle when you cannot look after him/her any more.
The world can be a tough place to live in. Is your child up to the challenge?
www.nation.co.ke
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