Sunday, 5 September 2010


A good friend of mine is on the brink of suicide following a bizarre twist of events. She had been dating this fellow for a decade in the belief that one day, he would marry her. Shock on her when the guy invited her to his wedding – with another woman.
My friend is devastated and feels misused, duped and accuses the guy of wasting her precious time. I sought to understand this cruel behaviour. According to my male pals, there is nothing illogical or unfortunate about how the whole matter has been concluded.
Male reasoning dictates that one should use two separate criteria to choose partners to have fun with and life partners – and apparently, women do not seem to understand this. So what are the key ingredients for the perfect wife material?
There was general consensus that for a woman to become a wife, she must score highly in the baby and home-making areas. Even if your boyfriend admires how efficiently your liver breaks down Sambuca shots, chances are he is not considering you as prime wife candidate.
He is looking for the woman who is a home maker - not the hot babe who considers the bar counter to be her second home. A man will dump the party girl at the drop of a hat when he spots that woman.
Nesting patience
If you are the kind of girl who is more worried about the impact of the baby on her figure and career, then it isn’t your number your man will be picking come marriage time.
Find a smart way of letting the man know that you believe in having babies and that you have enough nesting patience to match that.
Men expect the woman they marry to give them a better brand value.
This is the kind of woman who is good for their image especially when it comes to moving up the corporate and social ladder. These guys explained that while it is okay to date the run-of-the mill girl next door, when it comes to marriage, a man must seek to wed someone with a name.
When all is said and done, it helps one’s career or business if you are associated with a well-recognised brand. A man who wants to be strategic will therefore do all he can to put a ring on the finger of a woman who has brand value to put on the table.
Those women who were not born with or who have not acquired the right brand category can compete if they can excel in other criteria such as excessive loyalty, reliability and dependability and in some cases bedroom skills.
My male pals explained to me that being cute does not in any way guarantee you a spot on the wife slot. To be considered for wife status, one must display habits that do not, in any way, create obstacles in the guy’s life and career.
Drama queen characteristics are deal breakers therefore those women who want to become wives must hone their forbearance and forgiving skills.
They must be able to see the big picture even when the small picture has more drama and theatrics that the future picture. A woman who is wife material must have the good sense (in the man’s view) to overlook small misdemeanours like too many late nights with the boys, the untidiness that is inherently wired into Kenyan male DNA among other things.
She must be also be non-judgemental especially when the man’s potential and actual reality are miles apart.
According to these men, a woman who is wife material does not whine and act desperate when it comes to wanting the big wedding band.
She does not keep dropping hints every time Valentine’s comes around or whenever there is some festivity going on. She does not send emissaries to talk to the man about when he plans to settle down and she never drags him on those annoying wedding rounds in the hope that he will get the hint. This woman let’s nature take its course.
For me, the ultimate clincher was the revelation that any man who hasn’t proposed by the 2nd year of a relationship never will.
Get the hint and move on.
From the above, I realised my friend stood no chance of being selected as a wife. She was the fun material who is discarded immediately wife material comes along.

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